The sanctimony of marriage is a beautiful one. Two people who love each other, wanting to be together forever, starting a family and living happily ever after. Sounds perfect, right? While not everyone’s idea of marriage may be the same, and while some might not even believe in it, one thing we can all agree on is that spouses not only love each other, but they also love getting on each other’s nerves. There are just certain things that happen in any marriage which are relatable on so many levels that it’s hard not to find some of them funny. Some relatable things that seem to happen to every married couple are:
- Someone is always stealing the blanket in bed
- You can never decide where to go out to eat
Love it or hate it, marriage brings two people together and can result in some pretty hilarious moments.
Here are 16 of the funniest marriage tweets from 2016:
1. Anyone with a significant other knows the feeling of being nudged awake to watch a funny video.
Marriage is basically just whispering, "Are you awake? I need to show you this cat video."
— Mel Evans (@mel_evans) February 22, 2016
2. The classic “you stole all the blankets” fight. Never gets old.
At least 10% of divorces can be avoided by buying bigger blankets
— X Alqee (@Xalqee) July 9, 2012
3. Construction outside? Asleep. Earthquake? Asleep. End of the world? Asleep. Turn on one tiny light and next thing you know you’re getting yelled at.
My husband can sleep through anything except me shining a tiny light briefly on the book I'm reading in bed.
— Housy Wife (@wife_housy) August 6, 2016
4. You can’t be right about everything, James.
Relationship status: My wife asked me what I wanted for dinner and then told me I was wrong.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 22, 2016
My husband is home sick from work today and it's like having one thousand babies.
— Sarah del Rio (@establish1975) December 15, 2014
6. When your list of things to do gets too long, just call it a day and tell yourself you’ll do it tomorrow. Or maybe your spouse will get it done. Let’s hope for that.
[runs to the door to greet wife]
I'm afraid there's been a terrible accident involving all the things you asked me to do today.
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) February 28, 2016
7. Communication at its finest.
Wife: We need milk, eggs, and bread. Write it down.
Me: No need. I'll remember.
[an hour later]
Wife: What did you buy?
Me: A panda.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 6, 2016
8. Eating your significant other’s leftovers should be punishable by death. There’s no worse feeling than getting home from a long day at work, excited to eat your leftovers from the night before, only to open the fridge and see that it’s gone.
"5 years ago i married my best friend, my soulmate, i love you"
"eat all the leftovers again and i will end you"
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 5, 2016
9. The one topic of conversation that almost always results in either a disagreement or a fight. Why does it seem like every relationship that ever existed goes through this argument almost on the daily?
Making sure you're the first to ask "what do you want for dinner" so you don't have to be the one to decide. #marriedpeopleproblems
— Michelle Ames (@michelleames) January 9, 2016
10. But do any married people really, I mean REALLY miss the days of having to stress out about making plans? Why go out and spend money when you can spend your time asleep on the couch? Now that’s the definition of marriage.
— Pej A. (@pazarm) January 8, 2016
11. This would explain why socks keep going missing. Maybe it wasn’t the laundry machine after all!
Husband: Are u wearing my socks again? Me: maybe… #MarriedPeopleIssues
— Emily(Corcoran)Simms (@emily_simms81) January 9, 2016
12. Or separate phones, or iPads. Basically anything that will distract them from each other.
every night they're on separate laptops in the same room #MarriedPeopleIssues
— Sheldon Stanhope (@bbchinigan) September 25, 2015
13. No, you didn’t put it there because you might use it again. You’re just too lazy to clean it. I think we’re all guilty of this. I know I am.
When he leaves the dishes on the counter next to the sink. But not in the sink. Or the dishwasher. Every day 😭 #MarriedPeopleIssues
— Linda Hoang 💕 (@lindork) January 9, 2016
14. Your significant other will never find out that you secretly keep treats hidden in your pockets at all times. How else would you get your dog to love you more?
15. True love is resisting when you want to physically harm your spouse for not making the bed or cleaning the dishes…yet again.
— Crystal Brankley (@cbbrankley) August 17, 2015
16. Right, you are totally right about that. Isn’t that what marriage is all about?
My wife is finally coming home from her week long trip, so you know what I'm getting tonight… yelled at. I'm gonna get yelled at.
— eric (@ericsshadow) June 3, 2016